Riding Out The Storm

In a marriage things can start out in this beautiful sunshine of love and honor only to end up in a violent storm of anger and bitterness.  I am speaking in generalities here but most of the time a marriage has a time of conflict 24-36 months into the marriage.  Marriages that don't have this conflict have either learned to deal with confrontation in a healthy loving way or one of the marriage partners has simply suppressed their opinions and feelings and yielded to their mate.  Unfortunately, the latter often only delays the conflict by "kicking the can down the road".  When it does finally surface the problem can be even more dramatic. Why 24-36 months into a marriage?  Because it usually takes about this long to discover our differences, to try to handle them as best we can in our natural reasoning and conversation and many times come to a place of helplessness.  The is critical mass for a marriage.  This marriage is about to either rise from this painful place better than ever or end in disaster.  Often this is the time to seek a third party like a pastor or counselor to help us see a hope and plan for the future.  Yes, there is always a way out through God.  Any marriage can be saved "IF" both parties are willing to allow the Lord to deal with each one, with a common commitment to saving the marriage. The first thing that must be done in such cases is remove divorce as an option.  In our current culture divorce is as common in the church as it is in the world.  Perhaps this escapism mentality is one of the reasons that people find it so easy to walk away from the convenant community of the church as well.  

The rip cord called divorce is much easier to pull today than it was 50 years ago.  There is no stigma attached to it these days. We just add the phrase "irreconcilable differences" and away we go.  However, for the Christian, who has taken a vow before God and entered a Covenant, it shouldn't be so easy. Let me say at this point, I know there are times when there are innocent parties and divorce was forced upon some. I don't cast stones in those cases nor am I speaking of those situations.  However, far too many pull the rip cord far too soon.  I can't tell you the number people when I asked, "did you do everything in your power to save your marriage",  who told me, "not really!"  Removing the rip cord as an option improves the possibility of saving a marriage manifold.  What a joy it is to watch a marriage in crisis make it through the stormy waters of crisis and arrive at a port much better off than the original day of their wedding.  It is possible!

That was a long journey of words to arrive where I am about to take you.  The same process is possible in the Church, the covenant community, as well.  I have talked to people who have been in 3 or 4 churches in 5-6 years.  That is not covenant.  It speaks more of a problem in that believer than it does about the churches they left.  As in marriage, we need to deal with issues Biblically in our relationships and do all we can, make every effort, at salvaging relationships before we jump ship.  If you are struggling with conflict in your church or you know someone who may be at this moment, do all you can to be a peacemaker.