Marriage Maintenance

Teresa and I have now enjoyed well over 42 years of marriage. I hear of people who have been married for a long time filing for divorce and I think, "what in the world?" How is that possible? One of the common comments you hear in those cases is, "we just grew apart". I am convinced that every marriage can be healed and every marriage, if neglected could fail. There are several things that happen here. First, people stop working on their marriage and begin to take it for granted. In almost all of life's activities you continue to strive to improve. In marriage people often think that it either is or it isn't. Like everything else, marriage must be maintained and there has to be this awareness and an effort at improving it or it will deteriorate.

Another reason marriages falter is because there is some truth to "growing apart". In actuality, we all have idiosyncrasies and from these come intolerance and especially as we grow older. A good marriage sees our differences as God's balance for safety and growth. If you aren't careful as you grow older you will see them as hindrances. This is a tragic mistake. As I said earlier the big killer is taking a relationship for granted. There has to be this awareness and a sensitivity to the condition of the relationship. Then there has to be this ongoing desire to not only fix potential problems but make the relationship better. I am convinced that unmaintained marriages can fall apart and fail no matter how many years you have been together. I heard T.D. Jakes say, "just because you have been together for 50 years doesn't mean you have been happy." Marriage is intended by God to be a place of joy, a shelter from the storms of life and an arena of victory. Marriage should be a place of agreement that the enemy of our souls cannot penetrate. Why don't we take time to stop and honestly evaluate our marriages. It can change and like everything else, it only works if you work it.